Family Weekend is behind us, midterms are wrapping up, and Thanksgiving still feels a long way away.
Welcome to the October stretch.
The beginning of the semester comes with a lot of excitement. New classes. New friends. New routines. Football games. So many campus events. And, of course, Family Weekend!
But by October, college starts feeling a little less new and a lot more like real life.
Students are tired. The workload is heavier. That roommate quirk that seemed funny in August may not be quite as charming anymore. Doing laundry on a different floor has definitely lost its novelty—assuming it ever had any. And after midterms, some students may be celebrating great grades while others are discovering that perhaps “I’ll study tomorrow” was not the academic strategy they thought it was.
This is a very normal part of the semester.
And while parents can't take the tests, resolve every roommate disagreement or convince a professor that surely our student deserved three more points on that exam, there are some important ways you can help.
- Remember: A Hard Day Isn't Necessarily a Hard Semester
College students have bad days.
They bomb tests. They have disagreements with friends. They oversleep. They feel left out. They get tired. They question decisions. Sometimes they just have a Tuesday that feels particularly Tuesday-ish.
When your student calls home discouraged, resist the urge to assume something is terribly wrong—or to jump in the car and drive to Birmingham.
Listen. Ask questions. Give them some time.
Sometimes what feels enormous at 10:00 p.m. looks very different after a good night's sleep and breakfast the next morning.
- Treat Midterm Grades as Information, Not a Verdict
Midterms can be an important reality check.
For some students, they confirm that things are going well. For others, they reveal that the study habits that worked in high school may need some adjusting. Apparently, attending class and studying before the night before the exam still have some merit.
Either way, a midterm grade doesn't define a student—or determine how the semester will end.
Instead of immediately focusing on the grade, try asking:
“What do you think you need to do differently from here?”
Encourage your student to talk with the professor, attend office hours, seek academic support, meet with an advisor or make changes to study habits.
One of the most important skills students can develop in college is learning how to recognize when something isn't working—and knowing how to ask for help.
- Beware of the “Dump Call”
If you've parented a college student for very long, you may already know this one.
Your student calls.
The test was terrible.
Their roommate is driving them crazy.
They are exhausted.
They have too much to do.
They aren't sure they like their major anymore.
Everyone else apparently has their entire life figured out.
They unload everything for 30 minutes.
You hang up thinking, “WE HAVE A CRISIS.”
Your student hangs up thinking, “Wow. I feel so much better.”
And then they make a Cook-out run with their friends while you lie awake until 2:00 a.m. reconsidering every decision your family has made since kindergarten.
Parents, we see you.
And just for the record, by the time you've developed a comprehensive five-step plan to solve the problem, there is a very good chance your student has completely forgotten they called you about it.
Home is often the safest place for students to unload because they know your love isn't dependent on how well their day went. That's a wonderful thing.
Just remember that sometimes they need a safe place to release the pressure—not someone to immediately fix the problem.
A helpful question can be:
“Do you want me to just listen, or do you want help thinking through what to do?”
You might be surprised how often the answer is, “I just needed to tell you.”
- Encourage the Basics
As schedules get busier, some of the simplest things are often the first things to disappear.
Sleep.
Good meals.
Exercise.
Time outside.
Worship.
Time with friends.
Quiet.
Encourage your student to take care of the person God created them to be—not just the student they are trying to become.
Sometimes the most helpful questions aren't about grades at all.
Are you getting enough sleep?
Have you eaten something that grows from the ground?
Are you making time for your faith?
And perhaps the most dangerous parent question of all:
“When was the last time you washed your sheets?”
(Actually, you may not want the answer to that one.)
Those basic things matter, especially during the long middle of a semester.
- Point Them Toward Resources—Without Becoming the Resource
When our children have a problem, our instinct is often to solve it.
After all, we've been doing that for approximately 20 years. It's a hard habit to break.
But college provides an important opportunity for students to learn how to advocate for themselves.
Instead of making the phone call for them, help them figure out who they should call.
Instead of solving the problem, ask, “Who at Samford could help you with that?”
Professors, advisors, Residence Life staff, academic support, campus ministry and other student support offices are here because college students aren't expected to navigate everything alone.
Learning how and when to ask for help is part of becoming an adult.
And learning not to make the phone call for them may be part of becoming the parent of an adult.
We're all growing here.
- Send Encouragement That Doesn't Require Anything in Return
Your student may not have time for a 45-minute phone call this week.
That's okay.
Send the text anyway.
“Thinking about you today. No need to call me back. I love you, and I'm praying for you.”
Mail the package.
Send the funny picture of the dog.
Venmo them $10 for coffee.
And don't be offended when the response to your heartfelt three-paragraph text is simply:
“thanks”
Or, if they're feeling especially communicative:
“Thanks!!”
Those small connections with home can mean more than you realize—even when their texting skills don't exactly communicate overwhelming gratitude.
You Just Saw Their World. Now Give Them Room to Keep Building It.
For many of you, Family Weekend gave you the chance to step into your student's Samford world for a few days.
You met friends. Saw favorite places. Walked across campus. Sat in the stands. Maybe you even discovered that your student actually does know how to get up before 10:00 a.m.
And hopefully, after seeing their room, you resisted the urge to clean it.
Now comes another important part of parenting a college student: giving them room to keep building that world.
Being an engaged parent and allowing your student to grow aren't opposites.
Your role is simply changing.
You don't have to clear every obstacle from the path. Sometimes your job is to stand alongside the path—encouraging, praying, asking good questions and reminding your student that they are capable of taking the next step.
Thanksgiving will be here before we know it. And when they walk back through your door with approximately three months' worth of laundry and announce that there is “nothing to eat” in a fully stocked kitchen, you'll know the October stretch is officially behind you.
But let's not wish away the weeks between now and then.
There is a lot of life—and a lot of growth—that happens in the middle.
And sometimes, the middle is exactly where God does some of His best work.
